Coping With an Adult Child Who Has BPD: You’re Not Alone

Coping With an Adult Child Who Has BPD: You’re Not Alone
From One Mum to Another, This is What It’s Really Like.

When Everything Feels Too Much: A Mother’s Story of Emotional Dysregulation

You never expect to learn a whole new language when your child grows up, not one of psychiatry, crisis teams, and endless acronyms. No one gives you a manual. No one pulls you aside and gently says, "This might get really hard, but you won’t be alone."

I didn’t know what emotional dysregulation meant until it was living in our home, behind our daughter's eyes, shaping every interaction. I didn’t know it could show up as rage one minute and despair the next. That it could make love feel too much and rejection feel unbearable. That it could feel like walking a tightrope for her, and for me.

I’d heard of depression. Anxiety. Even self-harm. But this is so messy, this constant pendulum between chaos and calm, between connection and complete shutdown, no one warned me.

And yet, I’ve lived every second of it.

One of The Moments That Stays With Me

Hospitals are meant to feel safe, but for me, they’ve become places where time stands still.

What I hate isn’t the beeping monitors or the buzz of nurses, it’s her. Sitting there, vacant. Gone behind the eyes. Dissociated.

She doesn,t scream, cry, or beg for help. That would’ve been easier, in a way. This is worse, this hollow, spaced-out version of my daughter who looked right through me like I wasn’t even there. Like she wasn’t even there.

These moments are terrifying, because how do you reach someone who’s disappeared inside themselves?

I sit beside her, just like always. I’m her FP, her “favourite person”. If you’ve never come across the term, it’s common in people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). It means she clings to me like a lifeline when things fall apart. It means I am her anchor.

I don't cry. I don’t. Not since the beginning. I keep my voice calm, my expression neutral, my feet firmly planted. I have to. I hold it all in so she doesn’t fall apart even more.

But inside? It’s a bloody storm. A constant hum of fear, frustration, guilt, and fierce love.

Emotional Dysregulation: What It Actually Looks Like

It’s not just being “moody” or “sensitive”. It’s not something that can be fixed with a cup of tea or an early night, though you’d be amazed how often people suggest that ;)

It’s living on the edge of a cliff emotionally, all the time. A wrong word or a missed call can trigger an avalanche. Her nervous system is always on high alert. There’s no middle ground. Just all or nothing.

And as a parent? You live it with them. You become the detective, the buffer, the planner, the paramedic, the therapist, the pharmacist, and the one who makes makes her eat.

Why I’m Telling You This

Because maybe you’re reading this and recognising it in your own child. Or maybe you’re feeling like you’re failing, or too tired to keep going, or quietly falling apart while pretending everything’s fine.

You are not alone. And you are not failing.

No one told me about emotional dysregulation. No one said, “Here’s what to expect, here’s how to cope, here’s someone who gets it.” That’s why I talk about it now. Not to scare anyone, but to say me too.

Your Calm in the Chaos

I am creating Chaos to Calm to be the support I wish I’d had. A place for mums like us. A safe space where we talk about the hard things without judgement or sugar-coating. Where tools are practical, not patronising. And where being strong doesn’t mean going silent.

📘 Lead Magnet: What Kind of Anchor Are You in the Storm?
👉 samiward.com/anchor_in_the_storm255468

👩‍👩‍👧‍👦 Join the free support group on Facebook
👉 facebook.com/groups/bpdparentsupport

💬 Download the Chaos to Calm Feelings Wheel – made especially for our community:
👉 bit.ly/ChaostoCalmFeelingsWheel

🔗 Everything in one place (Linktree)
👉 linktr.ee/chaostocalmclub

If this resonated with you, please share it with another mum who might need it. Because behind every child in crisis, there’s usually a parent holding the pieces, quietly, bravely, and without a script.

You deserve support too.

Your calm in the chaos,
Sami