When Holidays Feel Like Two Worlds 🌍✈️

This summer, my husband and I packed our bags and headed off to France. Sunshine, food, wine, lazy days, and a much needed break, all the things I usually dream about when life feels overwhelming.

But this year was different. My daughter didn’t come with us.

She wanted to. She talked about it. We booked it. But when the time came closer, the thought of it all became too much. The Euro Shuttle. The unfamiliar food. The sheer busyness of it all. What for most people is exciting, for her felt like standing in front of a tidal wave. In the end, she stayed at home.

And I’ll be honest, my heart split into two.
On one side, I was sipping wine under the French sun, laughing with my parents, trying to relax. On the other side, I carried this heavy ache that she wasn’t there, that once again our “family holiday” didn’t look like the picture perfect version in my head.

This is what it’s like when your child lives with emotional dysregulation. It’s not about them not wanting to join in, or being difficult. It’s about how overwhelming the world can feel. New places, new food, crowds, it’s not just “a bit stressful”. It’s terrifying.

I felt guilty for enjoying myself. Sad that she was missing out. And also, if I’m really honest, frustrated. Because sometimes you just want to have a “normal” trip. And then, of course, comes the guilt all over again for even thinking that.

If you’ve ever been there, you’ll know it’s a cocktail of emotions no one really prepares you for.

But here’s what I’ve learnt:

• It’s okay to feel both joy and sadness at the same time.

• It’s okay to celebrate the holiday you did have, even if it wasn’t complete.

• And it’s okay to grieve for the moments that feel just out of reach.

To any mum reading this who feels torn between two worlds, the “normal” family life you imagined and the reality you’re living, please know you’re not alone. Your story might look different, but it’s still full of love.

And maybe, just maybe, the next trip will look a little different. But if it doesn’t, that’s okay too. 💙

Your Calm in the Chaos,

Sami xx