When Love Isn’t Enough: Watching My Daughter Struggle Without Support

Sometimes I’ve found myself standing on the sidelines of my daughter’s life, watching her pour her heart into relationships, only to realise she isn’t receiving the same in return.

It’s a painful thing, as a mum, to see. You want your child to be loved, cherished, supported, especially when life already feels like an uphill battle. But instead, there are moments when love seems one-sided. She gives her all, but when the storm hits, when she’s at her most vulnerable, the support she desperately needs isn’t there.

The hardest part? It’s not my place to swoop in and fix it.

The Thin Line Between Support and Silence

When you live with conditions like BPD, depression, or trauma, the need for steady, reliable support is huge. Relationships can feel like a lifeline, but also like quicksand. My daughter clings tightly because she feels so deeply, yet when the other person doesn’t show up in the way she needs, the silence is deafening.

As her mum, I can see the cracks long before she does. I can see when words don’t match actions, when promises don’t lead to presence, when the support she offers is never mirrored back. But saying it out loud is complicated. She loves fiercely, and to her, questioning that love feels like betrayal.

So I sit with my own quiet heartbreak, knowing I can’t make someone love her in the way she deserves.

Where Does That Leave Us as Parents?

Here’s the truth I’ve had to swallow: we can’t choose who our children love. We can’t demand their partners understand mental health better. We can’t insist they stay when it’s tough. And we certainly can’t make someone into a safe haven if they’re not.

What we can do is hold space. We can be the anchor. We can model what steady, unconditional support looks like, even if their partner cannot.

And we can whisper, when the time is right:
“You deserve to be loved in a way that makes you feel safe, not small.”

For Any Mum Reading This…

If you’ve ever felt that ache of watching your child give their all to someone who gives little back, please know you’re not alone. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed them, or that they’re unworthy of love.

It simply means that their journey in learning what healthy love looks like is still unfolding. And as mums, our role is to stay steady, even when it breaks our hearts.

Gentle reminder: love should feel like calm in the chaos, not add to it.

Your calm in the chaos,
Sami xx