Loneliness vs Being Alone: Why It Hurts More Than We Realise

Being alone and feeling lonely might seem like the same thing, but for someone living with BPD/EUPD or CPTSD, the difference can be profound.

Alone vs Lonely

• Alone is a physical state. It simply means no one is present. Some people thrive in this space, reading, walking the dogs, enjoying quiet time.

• Lonely is an emotional state. It’s the feeling that no one sees you, understands you, or cares about your existence. Loneliness can happen even in a crowded room.

For many young adults with emotional dysregulation, alone can quickly slide into lonely. The mind starts to ruminate: “I’m invisible. I’m a burden. No one loves me.”

Why loneliness hits so hard

Loneliness triggers the same fight or flight response as danger. The brain interprets social isolation as a threat. This is why your daughter’s week at home without you and the dogs can spiral into guilt, self-blame, and emotional dysregulation. The brain feels unsafe, even though to us, it’s just a quiet week at home.

Signs loneliness is creeping in

• Increased withdrawal or silence

• Heightened irritability or anxiety

• Obsessive thoughts or self-blame

• Expressions of hopelessness or feeling “not good enough”

How mums can help

• Check in frequently — short messages or calls can help them feel connected.

• Validate their feelings — “I can see how lonely you’re feeling, and it’s okay to feel that way.”

• Provide small connections — video chats with friends, walks, or shared activities (like dog care) help reduce the intensity of isolation.

• Offer grounding tools — sensory resets, journaling, music — things that give their mind a pause.

The Takeaway

Loneliness is more than just a lack of company; it’s a heavy, emotional weight that can trigger intense feelings of guilt, shame, and self-blame. By understanding this distinction, we as parents can respond with compassion, provide connection, and help prevent spirals before they take over.

💡 Remember: it’s not about keeping them busy; it’s about being there in ways that reassure the brain it’s safe and valued.

Your Calm in the Chaos,

Sami xx