Why Is My Child So Emotionally Intense?

Why Is My Child So Emotionally Intense?

Understanding emotional dysregulation in BPD

If you’ve ever tiptoed around your child’s mood like you’re "walking on eggshells…"
If one minute you’re laughing together and the next you’re the worst person in the world…
If you’ve thought, “Where did that come from?” or “It’s like flicking a switch!”

You’re likely dealing with emotional dysregulation, the very heart of BPD.
And no, it’s not your fault.
And no, they’re not doing it on purpose.
Let’s make sense of it together.

What is emotional dysregulation?

Put simply, emotional dysregulation means struggling to manage intense feelings, especially sadness, anger, shame, and fear.

It’s not just feeling emotions strongly; it’s about being overwhelmed by them quickly.
And when you’re flooded, you can’t think clearly, communicate calmly, or pause to “just take a breath”.

Imagine their brain like a car with no brakes, feelings go from 0 to 100 in seconds, and there’s no gentle slowing down.

What does it look like?

Here’s what you might see (and feel):

• Big overreactions to small things

• Explosive arguments, then instant regret

• Tearful apologies after shouting, blaming, or pushing you away

• Mood swings that seem to come out of nowhere

• Emotional “black-and-white” thinking! “You hate me!”, “Everyone always leaves me!”

• Deep distress that feels impossible to soothe

And here's the hardest bit:
They might say the cruellest things, and then hours later? They crumble in your arms.

Why does this happen?

It all comes back to how their brain has learned to cope with overwhelming emotion.

Many young adults with BPD have a sensitive nervous system from the start, they feel things more deeply.
Add in trauma, invalidation, or chaotic environments, and their ability to regulate emotions can become damaged or undeveloped.

That doesn’t mean they’re broken.
It just means they never learned how to ride the emotional waves safely and now they’re drowning, over and over again.

But what about me?

You’re not just watching someone you love struggle, you’re in it with them.
You’re the target, the lifeline, the safe person, all rolled into one.

You may feel:

• Constantly on edge

• Emotionally exhausted

• Guilty for snapping back

• Confused when their mood flips

• Unsure whether to comfort, walk away, or call for help

That is the emotional impact of dysregulation on you and it’s real.

What helps?

You can’t stop their feelings, but you can create a calm presence in the storm.
Here’s what supports emotional regulation:

• Validation — “I can see you’re hurting” (even if you don’t agree)

• Boundaries — “I love you, and I won’t let you speak to me like that”

• Consistency — same responses, same routines, safe spaces

• Regulation tools — breathing, grounding, cold water, movement (more on this soon!)

But most of all?

Understanding. Which is exactly what you’re doing, just by reading this.

Your Calm in the Chaos

Sami xx

Next time:

“Is It My Fault?”

We will look at the causes of BPD and the guilt no mum should have to carry.